I’m an anxious guy. I replay conversations like bad movie scenes. “Why did I laugh like that? Did I cut them off? Why did I say ‘cool’ like that four times?”
My breakthrough point came in Granada, Spain. First night in a hostel, first night on a new continent. I stood frozen on the terrace, staring at a group laughing over drinks. My brain short-circuited: “They’ll think you’re weird. Your accent’s trash. You’ll say something stupid.”
But then it hit me: Nobody here knows what I’m “supposed” to be. I could literally be anyone. So I made a simple, doable two-step plan:
- Order a beer.
- Sit down and say one thing to the nearest person.
Then I just walked to the bar, ordered my beer, sat down and said hi to the girl next to me. Turns out, she was a German nurse who was on a short trip through Spain, she loved music, beer, and had a rescue puppy. We talked for an hour. No one died.
Realizing nobody is an expert in conversation and most of us are just trying to navigate socials situations makes you realize it’s not as difficult as your mind can make it seem. We are all people after all, we all want to converse with each other, we all want to be a part of a community, share in our lives, and connect.
Practical Tips from Someone Who Still Forgets to Breathe
Start Small (Like, Microscopic)
You can just have a few openings that you feel comfortable with. A quick “Hey” followed by an inquisitive “Where are you from?”. Let people do the talking, you can ask them about themselves, like a quick “What do you do? Working in anything exiting at the moment?”. Compliments always work, something genuine and short can help turn someone from a stranger into a fast buddy. Observe people and find something nice to say about them.
Why it works: These aren’t “conversations”—they’re social warm-ups. Like stretching before a run.
Let Them Talk First (Then Steal Their Moves)
People love talking about themselves. Your job: Be a lazy conversationalist. You can approach it with a mindset of trying to understand the other person. What are their motives? Where are they from? What are they like? What makes them tick?
Conversations are a back and forth. Listen to people, and really listen to them. Don’t just wait for your time to speak, hear what their saying, engage and share things of your own.
Wear Your Awkwardness Like a Badge
Nobody likes perfect people, we all want to feel safe when we engage in conversation. Yet we all come into conversation assuming everyone else is at 100% and being aware of our stuff.
Level the playing field, own your stuff:
- “Just a heads up, I might say something cringe. It’s my thing.”
- “Just so you know I have really bad hearing I’m gonna need you to repeat yourself sometimes”
Vulnerability disarms people. It’s like saying, “We’re both human. Let’s stop pretending.”
Remember: Nobody Cares (In the Best Way)
We are all more alike than we like to admit, most people are thinking more about themselves and how they come off than about other people. Ease up the tensions and allow yourself to just be.
The reality is: People aren’t analyzing you. They’re worrying about their accent, their laugh, their weird joke.
Your anxiety is a spotlight on yourself—but everyone else is too busy standing in their own spotlight to notice yours.
Why Bother?
Because nine times out of ten, the person you talk to is just as nervous as you.
Because that night in Granada led to a hike in the Sierra Nevada with three strangers who became friends. A short pass-by convo with a guy in Madrid’s central station, led to a place to crash and a tour guide when I visited the south of Spain. Striking up a convo in a dutch laundromat lead to a month-long romance that I still cherish to this day.
Socializing isn’t a talent—it’s a muscle. And muscles only grow when you strain them. Next time you want to disappear, ask yourself: “What’s the smallest, dumbest, least-scary thing I can say right now?” Then say it. The world won’t end. But your world might get bigger.
Antonio P Argueta 
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